Choose. Then choose again.

Louise Hay’s I Can Do It calendar

I’ve been “getting through” lately. This unending winter, oh ffs the ice hasn’t even gone off the lakes yet and everything is still mud. Living out of boxes, in yet another move as part of an extended transition. Chronic pain that is usually quieter has been yelling at me instead. I’m getting so mentally grumpy that I can’t even stand my own company anymore.

And so I choose a thought. Isn’t this exciting? Will the ice go out by Mother’s Day, or by fishing opener? Isn’t it funny to see a crow standing on the lake, with the frozen water so dissolving blue instead of solidly white?

And I choose another thought:

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Note to Self: inner peace

I’ve really been fine, lately. But it’s the type of fine that is subconsciously used as a hope and a wish, rather than an actual reflection of how I’m really feeling.

Can you relate?

I discover this, as things just keep falling apart around me. It seems I continue to screw up, even though I am fully attending to the person, the situation, the task. This seems to keep happening in all areas of my life. I’m even dreaming about accidentally letting people down, making things difficult, doing things wrong — just by breathing.

I don’t feel like I’m pushing, striving, forcing. I actually feel calm, and receptive. And yet, the falling-apart is happening like when I am trying too hard. And I’m getting worn down, this is going on for a while now.

Oh. And now I’m trying too hard to figure out why this is happening. (Ouch for awareness…)

Here is a short mediation that I found on Insight Timer, that is really resonating and helpful right now. So please take a deep breath in with me, gently let it out, and let’s melt into these words:

Dear Self

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Passions and people, not possessions

Ah, yes — spring cleaning. Clearing out what no longer serves us and making space for what does. I’m a big fan of Denise Linn’s work in this area and I really love her measurement for if a thing is clutter or not:

  • Do I love it?
  • Do I use it?

If you can answer Yes to even one of these, the thing itself is not clutter.

Which means, clutter is subjective. Individual. Highly personal. Sorry, but your child’s collection of feathers (and possibly some naturally-harvested game birds’ feet, I’d advise not looking too closely) might be complete clutter to you — but not to her. (Perhaps she can keep it in a box under her bed, rather than strewn displayed in the family room.)

As we examine our belongings and decide what is and isn’t clutter, we are tuning in to and looking for what makes us happy. May we all remember, as we intend to surround ourselves with things that bring us joy, that it’s not actually the things.

We do not possess what gives us love.

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Efficiency is the killer of imagination

night scene showing young boy with a little moon in his hands sitting on meadow, digital art style, illustration painting

Very recently I read that “efficiency is the killer of imagination,” and for the life of me can’t recall from where or by whom. Chalk it up to the fact that I’ve been reading from a variety of written sources lately, and also that this idea struck me so hard I’ve been kind of in a daze with processing it.

I have always valued both in myself. And now I’m exploring that perhaps in doing so I’ve actually been not fully expressing one, or the other, or both. And that feels like a gut-punch. Interesting. What am I most mourning?

I like the simple, clean lines of efficiency. When I put ingredients away and wash dishes as I go when I make a meal, instead of cleaning everything up afterward later, I finish my task sooner instead of creating a whole new one. I feel spacious, expansive, and free.

I adore the meandering, creative, discovery of imagination. When I sit with coffee and watch birds, I let my mind open to creative thoughts and I receive ideas, insights, and Divine peace. I feel spacious, expansive, and free.

And yet… What if in my efficiency of scheduling time for imagination, I’m actually holding myself back? Accidentally putting an upper limit on my imagination?

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We are celebrating, today!

Today, my friends, marks six years of weekly posts here! Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for being a part of this space — and for being such an inspiration!

Ten years ago this space was begun, and after four years of enjoyable random posting. a commitment was made to sharing regularly, every week. A personal commitment to creativity.

Just by asking, “I wonder what would happen if I (insert your own idea here)…”

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