Such as it is

I learned something about myself recently. I don’t particularly enjoy sewing.

The thing is, I really used to get great joy out of it. So you can imagine my confusion and surprise.

Where in our lives do we continue with our “shoulds?” Where do we carry on as always, as if we have not grown from and beyond? Maybe it’s realizing that the only thing we actually have in common with that longtime friend is… fourth grade. Perhaps rather than continuing to garden, frequenting the farmers’ market sounds like a welcome relief. Or it might look like the moments of solitude we craved now just feel empty.

Realizing something we used to enjoy no longer gives us pleasure, we find ourselves in a moment of loss. In an interesting place of things are not what we thought, anymore. Is it a moment? Is it a mountain?

To be honest, this state I find myself in kind of feels like a homecoming. As if it’s a time-related (aka age-related!) rite of life passage that so many others have made before me. Finally! We’ve been waiting for you. Welcome to the Dark Side, we’ve got cookies. Oh wait, you’ve realized that you’re now ambivalent about cookies…

What if there is no action for me to take about this awareness? What if I don’t have to decide what to do with my sewing machine and stash of remnant material? What if we don’t have to make that decision to continue regular visits with that friend, or not. To garden, or not. To either seek or avoid moments of solitude.

Perhaps we can then enjoy our situation now, for what it actually is.

Such as it is.

With no fallout, either way.

What in your life have you been doing on autopilot, even if it no longer gives you the enjoyment it once did? How might you be at peace with that now, such as it is?