The Holy Instant
This morning as I sat with my journal, I was planning on working through a gripe. Originally I had intended to process it, to allow it to move through me and out. The point was for me to acknowledge, name, and release the negative. With a focus on getting to the releasing part.
Yet attending to the gripe holds it here. Even in the guise of processing it through and out.
And then a miracle happened.
Before my pen even hit the paper, I felt my gripe leave. I had recognized it, but then somehow jumped immediately to the other side of it. Without even trying to work through it.
Now, this is very different than repressing, believe me. I have always been a master at easily understanding, being compassionate, seeing the positive within less than great situations. Except by not actually acknowledging that the negatives are, well, negative, I wasn’t actually processing them.
When you have awakened to the fact that you’ve repressed your repressing, it is very humbling. Just saying.
So yes, I could recognize that this was something else entirely.
What if it’s now enough to name the negative thing, the gripe, and them immediately be at something else? What if the same leap as before is now anything but the same? What if the healthy processing is now complete before it even happens? My mind is telling me to actively process it through, and yet… It already feels like I got there. In an instant. Ahead of myself. What if I’m not choosing the better-feeling thought, I already am it?
Therein lies the miracle.
So why go back, then, and hash out the processing? The what, why, and how that explains my elevated recognition. That just ties me to the gripe itself. I’d rather stay in this space of Holy Now.
Risen above my own internal fray.
Holy Wow. Right now.
Where do you choose the better-feeling thought? Do you skip over or acknowledge the crap, to yourself? Can you hold space for the miracle of an honest, deep, instant processing of it all? A Holy Now?
gina drellack 