When Old Patterns Are Out of Style
Posted on March 16, 2017 4 Comments
Deja vu patterns, indeed…
I am in the process of becoming. Oh hey, aren’t we all?!? More specifically, I’m currently choosing to not operate from old patterns.
I’m resetting my default. Only, I don’t always know what the new patterns are, yet. After all, time is what organizes these seemingly random events.
So I’m in the process of repeating random events, routinely…in order to allow new patterns to unfold.
Here’s what it looks like for me:
- I recognize that I’m in a situation and about to act out of old patterns.
- I stop, and breathe.
- Considering that my old pattern no longer works for me nor brings me joy, I simply don’t do it.
- I get a little twitchy.
- I stay the course.
- I find a replacement action in and for that moment, to get me through it. One that moves me toward feeling fabulous.
- I realize the world did not come crashing down without my old pattern; in fact, it’s better than it was just a second ago.
An example is this:
I’m finally headed to bed, and discover that there are a few rogue dirty dishes hiding in the sink. I really like to wake up to a clean kitchen, but I’m sooo very tired right now. My old pattern would be to think, “I should plow through these dishes because they need to be done and I want to go to bed with a clean kitchen.” Now operating on fumes (but not necessarily fuming), I postpone what I really want to do in favor of an ideal that also brings me joy.
Remember the part about old patterns no longer bringing joy? Well, none of us are static beings. With awareness, I am learning to keep up with my own unfolding and flow.
In this example, I give myself permission to say, “Screw it. I’m going to bed.” And to embrace an untidy kitchen in the morning for the joy it provided me the night before.
You, dear reader, saw this coming for your own self a mile away. (Dishes. I know, right?!?)
Okay, smarty pants: I’ve got another one for you, of no longer operating from old patterns.
I am eliminating the word “should” from my vocabulary.
Yep. That might give you pause, ‘cause now you’re thinking about you.
Let’s run it through the process:
- You realize that you just said, or are about to say, the word “should” in context–likely about yourself. (Have you noticed that “should” creates lack, fault, a feeling of falling short…?)
- Stop. Just stop. Breathe into your belly.
- Considering that you no longer wish to disempower yourself, just don’t use that word. Don’t. Say. It.
- Become a little twitchy. (Whoa. Who shut off the autopilot? Who’s driving this body? Am I safe?)
- Stay the course. Breathe again.
- Replace the word “should” with “could,” or “might,” for example. Carry on.
- Realize how empowered you feel.
Bonus points for exploring what other old patterns no longer serve you, and how you can explore new possible responses.
Go on. Challenge your old operating system and update to what truly works for you now. You deserve to prioritize your well-being. (Click to tweet this.) You got this, my friend.
Be a well being
Now to you: could you try eliminating “should” from your lexicon? Is there a response pattern that used to fulfill you, but now leaves you feeling undervalued by your own self? I encourage you to share in the comments, in your personal journal, or both. There is power and support in declaring what you intend. ❤
Redefining Fine
Posted on March 8, 2017 5 Comments
Not the true definition, but the one we most use…
How do you respond when others ask about you?
- Would you like anything to drink?
- What do you want to eat for lunch?
- Are you warm enough in the car?
- Would you like a booth or a table?
I’ve discovered that most often people say, “I’m fine.” Myself included.
- “No thanks, I’m fine.”
- “I’m fine with wherever.”
- “Oh, it’s fine back here.”
- “Either is fine.”
Now, these sound innocuous, but notice what we are slowly doing to ourselves. On the one hand, we are being selfless, we don’t dictate, we take everyone’s opinions into account. There’s nothing wrong with this. But there is something else happening that erodes at us.
In our loving-kind awareness of others, we easily forget ourselves.
I have a wide range of fine, in just about every situation. A pea lodged under my mattress won’t affect my snoring in the least. But I’ll also go in knowing, to endure that particular guest bed that physically hurts my body — I just quietly make chiropractor and massage therapy appointments when I return home. “How did you sleep?” “Fine.”
Clearly, I’m not fine.
The word “fine” is used as okay, good enough. But the word “fine” is defined as excellent, supreme, free from impurities. Fine wine, fine art, fine line… Huh. Nothing “good enough” about any of that.
I have a wide range of Fine. (Hah — and I’m fine with that!) But what if I reframed this? What if I began at one end, yet explored what would move me to the other end of the continuum?
What would make me feel…fabulous?
Simply identifying what would elevate me in a given situation, I begin to reconnect with my Self. From there, I can make conscious and aware choices — no matter where they fall on the range of Fine.
Now, I don’t fear that this will turn me into a Diva. Just because I identify it doesn’t mean I demand it of the world, after all. It simply means that I elevate myself, to myself. And that I approach my days from that space. And to be honest, it’s time for this. For many of us.
So let’s all notice today when we use the word “fine.” You are, but in that moment ask yourself, “Yes, but what would make me feel fabulous?” Allow yourself to explore. What comes up for you? How do you feel, even in asking yourself that question? Share your process in the comments below. There are many of us who are surprised by ourselves.
How Monty Python Helped Me Find Balance
Posted on March 1, 2017 2 Comments
I really, really enjoyed one of Robert Holden’s recent daily messages. He talks about how Monty Python’s sketch about the 100-yard dash for people with no sense of direction is a wonderful metaphor for our mad-dash world.
Many of us are going through life as fast as we can, in many directions. Whether we realize it or not. I’ve recently discovered that I had accidentally entered myself in that race again. My tantalizing new book to read has been sitting on the table, waiting until after I’ve caught up on the endless loop of laundry, cleaning, grocery shopping, work projects, creative writing…
And then I’m gently reminded that:
Success is not about how fast you live; it’s about how well you live. @DrRobertHolden via @ginadrellack (Click to Tweet this.)
Excuse me a moment.
…
Currently, I’m really enjoying the first chapter!
Now it’s your turn. Do you find that you are hosting your own Monty Python dash? What are you saving for Later, once you’ve “earned” it? How can you reframe your Now in order to include those gems?
Dial Up Your Life with Your Snooze Button
Posted on February 22, 2017 Leave a Comment
Do you want more out of life? More abundance, more joy, more prosperity? Maybe you feel like something is missing. Or perhaps you already feel incredibly fulfilled, and you’re looking to level up.
There is a simple way to immediately begin your no-fail path to prosperity:
Embody gratitude.
This is not your Grandma’s “Be grateful for those brussels sprouts, kiddo; now hurry up and clean your plate” attitude that you may be thinking. Saying the thing and feeling it are different. We’re talking about feeling it.
Being grateful doesn’t just make you humble, or a nicer person to be around (although those are some pretty good side effects). It doesn’t ignore your problems, your hardships or your reality — it simply changes them.
When I am grateful for what I’m experiencing, I am focusing on the good stuff. I have now put myself in a feeling state where my vibration matches all those good things that I desire. Now, as I move about my day at this vibration, I am a magnet for more of everything that’s at the same vibration. It can’t not find me! In fact, that’s all that can find me!
My favorite description of this is by Pam Grout. She likens it to tuning a radio. I wouldn’t ever set it to 98.4 FM and expect to pick up what’s being broadcast on the 106.7 wavelength, would I? It would never in a million years cross my mind to tune into a country station and find random acid rock music. Likewise, I can’t dial in to the wavelength of self-righteousness and magically find a vibration of abundance. They just don’t match, and therefore can not be drawn to each other.
Set your dial to the station you want. Change your own wavelength to match the vibration of what it is that you desire. Show up to meet it, and you will discover that it’s already there waiting for you.
The quickest and most direct way to match yourself to what you want is through gratitude.
Getting In the Gratitude Groove
Here’s a fantastic exercise by Louise Hay that will help you get your gratitude groove on. It takes about 5 minutes at the start of your day. I’ve been actively attending to this for a week now, and really feel the difference — not only when I do the exercise, but also when I forgot to! 😉
- As soon as you wake up in the morning, snuggle deeper under the covers and smile.
- Allow your bed to cocoon you. Feel this amazing feeling, and thank your bed for the night’s sleep. Thank your sheets and blankets for enveloping you. Thank your pillow for the peace. Hold this celebration and appreciation of right here, right now.
- Now extend this feeling of gratitude for those closest to you. Bring to mind and silently thank your spouse, your pets, your children, your friends for being in your life.
- Set your intention for the day and affirm for yourself: “This is going to be a great day. I look forward to today.”
Be more specific as you become more comfortable, such as, “Today will flow with ease, joy, and love.” You can even be grateful for the first thing coming as you get out of bed: “My shower is gonna be great.” “I look forward to my exercise routine.”
You have now tuned your dial to the vibration of prosperity. Mindfully enjoy this station throughout the day.
Whoops. It’s noon, and I’m snarky.
Okay, we’re human. Old patterns pull us back. When you realize that “someone” changed your station wavelength when you weren’t looking, remember that gratitude is the quickest way to readjust your frequency. Stop, drop into your body and create gratitude, then roll with that feeling onto your next part of your day.
Stop, drop, and roll. Again. And again. Every time.
Feeling it is becoming it. And now you are it. Then more of the same comes rushing to you.
Notice that this is how it works, no matter what you are feeling. Either way, you are choosing your station.
Over to you: try this morning ritual for the next three days. (The immediate snuggling deeper in the covers is something to look forward to in itself!) Then, come back here and share your experiences. Has it helped? Any struggles? Do you wish to continue?
Grand Adventures
Posted on February 15, 2017 3 Comments
The final episode in Season 3 of The History Channel’s Alone gave me a huge AHA. For those of you who may not know, it’s a solo survival contest. This season, the last one standing made it 87 days surviving by themselves in the wilderness of Patagonia.
87 days. No support, no partner.
On the surface, it’s about bushcraft skills. On a deeper level, it’s about individual soul journey and the relationship to…relationship.
In this episode I was really hearing the remaining contestants’ reflections. Overwhelming appreciation for the experience. Tremendously missing loved ones. Immense gratitude for finally getting to go on this grand lifetime adventure that had been constantly read about since childhood.
For all, it was deep. Profound. Life-changing. They wouldn’t change a thing. Except…
Universally, each person supremely desired for their loved ones to share in their grand adventure.
And then it occurred to me:
My life, just as it is, is this grand adventure. And so is yours.
What if the adventure is life, just as it is?
Yes, exactly as it is:
The empty nesting. The parents in the nursing home. The friend in ICU for two weeks and counting. The dog needing to go out at 2 a.m. The car breakdown. Learning the new software. Shoveling the snow, still. Belated birthdays. Doing the grocery shopping. Folding the laundry. Surprise company, and no snacks in the house.
As Mollie Player profoundly describes in her new book, The Power of Acceptance, mediation is in the poopy diapers. What if grand adventure is also in the poopy diapers?
Sometimes getting away from our daily lives and being alone sounds like a vacation. Because being in relationship–with family, friends, people on the road, online groups–that’s what’s challenging. But it’s also what’s adventurous. And we can choose to look upon it all as grand.
You doubt this? I dare you: bring to mind right now someone in your life. Go with your first response. Now, think about why that particular person popped in your head. Here are just a few examples:
- Your heart swells with love when you think of them
- You go out of your way to avoid this person
- This is who you call just to say hi
- This is who owes you money
- They asked you for advice the other day and you’re wondering what they did with it
- You asked them for advice the other day and you are aghast at their response
Notice something? Each one of these examples, both positive and challenging, have to do with relationship. Right now, that person came to mind because of one of two things:
- You are extra happy with them.
- You are pissed off with them.
Alone is a temporary vacation. Relationship is the biggest adventure of life. Click to Tweet!
When I was in my 20’s I lived in an apartment by myself for six months. I loved it, and it didn’t last forever. It was one of the best times of my life, and I was really living.
When I was in my 30’s I lived through a divorce focused over six months. I hated it, and it didn’t last forever. It was one of the worst times of my life, and I was really living.
I love my 40’s. Positioned to look both backward and forward, I’m beginning to vastly appreciate the grand adventure of Life.
I wouldn’t change a thing.
Instead of feeling like we’re missing out, what if we looked at our existing lives as an adventure to be chosen? Click to Tweet!
Now it’s your turn. Have you ever yearned for a life of grand adventure? Or even a vacation of one? In what ways are your relatiuonships contributing to your life’s grand adventure?
The Lord God said, “It is not good for man to be alone….” Genesis 2:18
gina drellack 