When Old Patterns Are Out of Style


Deja vu patterns, indeed…

I am in the process of becoming. Oh hey, aren’t we all?!? More specifically, I’m currently choosing to not operate from old patterns.

I’m resetting my default. Only, I don’t always know what the new patterns are, yet. After all, time is what organizes these seemingly random events.

So I’m in the process of repeating random events, routinely…in order to allow new patterns to unfold.

Here’s what it looks like for me:

  1. I recognize that I’m in a situation and about to act out of old patterns.
  2. I stop, and breathe.
  3. Considering that my old pattern no longer works for me nor brings me joy, I simply don’t do it.
  4. I get a little twitchy.
  5. I stay the course.
  6. I find a replacement action in and for that moment, to get me through it. One that moves me toward feeling fabulous.
  7. I realize the world did not come crashing down without my old pattern; in fact, it’s better than it was just a second ago.

An example is this:

I’m finally headed to bed, and discover that there are a few rogue dirty dishes hiding in the sink. I really like to wake up to a clean kitchen, but I’m sooo very tired right now. My old pattern would be to think, “I should plow through these dishes because they need to be done and I want to go to bed with a clean kitchen.” Now operating on fumes (but not necessarily fuming), I postpone what I really want to do in favor of an ideal that also brings me joy.


Remember the part about old patterns no longer bringing joy? Well, none of us are static beings. With awareness, I am learning to keep up with my own unfolding and flow.

In this example, I give myself permission to say, “Screw it. I’m going to bed.” And to embrace an untidy kitchen in the morning for the joy it provided me the night before.


You, dear reader, saw this coming for your own self a mile away. (Dishes. I know, right?!?)

Okay, smarty pants: I’ve got another one for you, of no longer operating from old patterns.

I am eliminating the word “should” from my vocabulary.

Yep. That might give you pause, ‘cause now you’re thinking about you.

Let’s run it through the process:

  1. You realize that you just said, or are about to say, the word “should” in context–likely about yourself. (Have you noticed that “should” creates lack, fault, a feeling of falling short…?)
  2. Stop. Just stop. Breathe into your belly.
  3. Considering that you no longer wish to disempower yourself, just don’t use that word. Don’t. Say. It.
  4. Become a little twitchy. (Whoa. Who shut off the autopilot?  Who’s driving this body? Am I safe?)
  5. Stay the course. Breathe again.
  6. Replace the word “should” with “could,” or “might,” for example. Carry on.
  7. Realize how empowered you feel. 

Bonus points for exploring what other old patterns no longer serve you, and how you can explore new possible responses. 

Go on. Challenge your old operating system and update to what truly works for you now. You deserve to prioritize your well-being. (Click to tweet this.) You got this, my friend.


Be a well being

Now to you: could you try eliminating “should” from your lexicon? Is there a response pattern that used to fulfill you, but now leaves you feeling undervalued by your own self? I encourage you to share in the comments, in your personal journal, or both. There is power and support in declaring what you intend. ❤ 

4 Comments on “When Old Patterns Are Out of Style”

  1. Pingback: There’s a spider in my swimsuit | gina drellack

  2. As a wise woman once said, “Don’t should on yourself.” These fabulous words of wisdom have stuck with me, however old patterns die hard. I LOVE your steps to help create awareness and make conscious choices. It is so helpful to stop and breathe, then feel deeper into the moment as to how you would like to feel, and explore what it is that will get you there. You got this. We got this. Letting go of old patterns opens us up to the possibility of beautiful miracles!!!! 💖✨

    Liked by 1 person

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