Seeing the hard calls for what they are

We often confuse difficult choices with no choice at all.

Kerri Richardson, From Clutter to Clarity

I see myself in this. “I really had no choice.” Didn’t I…? How often do I use this as an unconscious reason for my inactions? For my actions? For not making the hard call. For making the hard call, but not taking responsibility for that.

We’re not talking Sophie’s Choice here, people. This is about knowing our truth, but not really owning it. Giving our power away.

Do you do this at times, too? Who in your life is in your head right now, saying this? (It’s so much easier to see it in others, isn’t it?!? Just remember, other people are our mirrors…)

For me, I tend to experience this through my inaction, my not speaking up:

• I have to tolerate my friend’s chronic lateness, that’s just how he is — I have no choice.
• I had to miss my daughter’s game and drive my aunt to her appointment, none of her nine adult children in town could do it — I had no choice.
• I endure my partner leaving their clothes laying messily around our bedroom, it’s simply how they are — I have no choice.

Having a lot of capacity for others, one of my life lessons is to learn to advocate for myself. Maybe that’s you, too. Or maybe for you it’s the opposite — some people are really great at speaking their mind, perhaps learning instead how to create space for others. What if we all learn the same life lessons, just from various angles?

Either way, here’s to moving through our difficult choices with awareness.

If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice.

Lyric from Freewill, by Rush

If it’s not a Hell Yes, it’s a Holy No.

I am an expert on myself, and no one can be me better than I can.

Kerri Richardson