Note to Self: inner peace

I’ve really been fine, lately. But it’s the type of fine that is subconsciously used as a hope and a wish, rather than an actual reflection of how I’m really feeling.

Can you relate?

I discover this, as things just keep falling apart around me. It seems I continue to screw up, even though I am fully attending to the person, the situation, the task. This seems to keep happening in all areas of my life. I’m even dreaming about accidentally letting people down, making things difficult, doing things wrong — just by breathing.

I don’t feel like I’m pushing, striving, forcing. I actually feel calm, and receptive. And yet, the falling-apart is happening like when I am trying too hard. And I’m getting worn down, this is going on for a while now.

Oh. And now I’m trying too hard to figure out why this is happening. (Ouch for awareness…)

Here is a short mediation that I found on Insight Timer, that is really resonating and helpful right now. So please take a deep breath in with me, gently let it out, and let’s melt into these words:

Dear Self

you are so much more than your pain
I know it may feel hard to heal from the things
that have broken you down
or threatened your joy
but
I hope you trust yourself enough
to piece yourself back together
when you’re ready
you are whole
even when you feel like your peace is missing
my prayer is that your heart
becomes full again
and that you forgive yourself
for whatever you did
or didn’t do
for whatever you knew
or didn’t know
may you make yourself a home of sacred belonging
you are a force
you have walked through many storms
you’ve been knocked down countless times
and
you’re still here
growing through it
give yourself permission to rest and wilt
you will bloom again
I love you
Alex Elle, Insight Timer (listen here)