Have you ever been in a conversation with a loved one in which you both just weren’t connecting? And the harder you tried to communicate, the worse it all went?
If you’re breathing, I’ll bet the answer is yes. (Because I’m breathing, too.)
Here’s what is actually happening, and here’s what you can do when you’re in it:
- Not connecting equals miscommunication.
- Miscommunication equals vibrating at different frequencies.
- Vibrating at different frequencies means you can’t hear each other.
- To hear each other, you need to get to a closer frequency.
- To get to a closer frequency, one or both lowers their vibration.
- Lowered vibrations results in arguments and strife.
This is the energetics of what is happening between people who are miscommunicating and getting spun up about it. Even spouses. In fact, I recall such a conversation while on vacation a few years ago. It involved an early morning coffee quest in combination with different navigation interpretations.
AHA — We weren’t really arguing about who said what about where, in our attempts to understand each other. We had both lowered our own vibrations, devolved, and found connection that way. Well, that sucked.
If you find yourself arguing about coffee or which way is south, chances you are in smack in this pattern. It’s never really about the coffee or the compass.
SO — knowing that this situation of miscommunication vortex does happen, even with those who we understand the most, how can we navigate it next time so that we don’t devolve?
Never lower your vibration in order to be heard. Ever.
- Do not lower your own vibration.
- Hold space for you both, with an open heart.
- Straighten your spine and open your shoulders.
- Allow the other person to have both their process and their frequency.
- Be okay with not connecting in this moment.
- Give your input, without needing to reach consensus.
- Have self-compassion.
There is an unexpected gift I’ve learned through this awareness and approach when in the throes of a miscommunication:
Maintaining my vibration and surrendering to the situation actually results in both of us feeling heard and connecting. Without having to go through the downward spiral.
Now how about you? Do you occasionally find yourself in a miscommunication mess? Is there something here that sounds worth trying? Honestly, the one that rocks me the most is “Be okay with not connecting in this moment.” What leaped out at you?