My spiritual head-butt

Letting go of struggle, orchestration, and working to create outcomes is not same thing as giving up self-responsibility and expecting the world to take care of me. I know this. And yet, I’m still learning this. I had another opportunity to practice very recently, and my whole darn experience was nothing short of amazing.

We sold our home, to lovely people who we just know are going to enjoy it as much as our family has for the past 20+ years. Our closing date looming, we were still waiting on a document to arrive so that the title transfer process could successfully proceed. Waiting on a third party, who held all the power. Who could also potentially choose to, well, not actually complete this paperwork. Would a legal battle result? I was not sleeping very well.

The closing date came…and went. No paperwork came in, so an extension was signed by the buyers and sellers in anticipation of a resolution coming soon. Hopefully.

The extended closing date was looming, and still no paperwork from this third party. Now I wasn’t sleeping at all.

And I began to slip into old patterns of responsibility control. Should I call and talk to this person? Do I line up legal counsel just in case, to be prepared? Would a letter to this third party be a good record to have? Could a meeting with the title company to discuss our options help? Do we all sit down together — sellers, buyers, realtors, title company and their legal team — and decide what action to take from here?

These were logistical thoughts. I’m not proud to say that I also had social-emotional mental machinations, too: Do I talk about what this third party is doing, to let people know what is happening? Who can I get on “my side?” Who could have an influence on this person to “make the right decision” (hint: to get them to do what I hope they will do)? Who could I let know “what this person is doing to us,” in order to “have them say prayers and offer good vibes,” (which in this case is a costume for painting the person as an ass and for receiving shared indignation and sympathy)?

I’ll be honest — I was doing really well with letting this whole paperwork snafu unfold in its own time, considering. Until about two days out from our new closing date. And then… Low-grade worry moved into full-blown agitation intensity. I spun up in my head, and began to make a plan. It was time for me to intervene in my own life, and I mean now.

Then a miracle happened.

Everything that morning, and I mean everything, pointed me toward the staying-the-faith course. Here’s what I received from my daily card deck of the Moon cycle mirroring personal cycles:


Let go of what I no longer need. Stop being so stubborn about holding on to aspects and behaviors that don’t align with who I am now. Stop struggling. Allow the universe (God, Holy Spirit, whatever name I call this Divine force of Love) to work through me.

Queen of the Moon Oracle, Stacey Demarco

My daily A Course In Miracles reading gave me this:


This is temporary, and will heal itself on its own. Unless I decide to participate, to throw myself into action. (It even goes on to speak to the talking-to-others aspect!) My active participation clogs up the healing force of the universe. Peace is with me. I am safe.

The Course In Miracles Experiment, Pam Grout

My daily affirmation calendar page was this:

I have learned that there is no need for me to struggle. I trust the Universe to take care of me.

Louise Hay, I Can Do It 2021 Daily Calendar

So, being quite hit over the head with a very strong Divine common message from multiple sources just as I was going to step up and take rightful action throw in the towel on surrender and faith, I listened. “Okay, I hear you. Really loud and clear. Thanks for the update. I’m rubbing my forehead, and I’m listening.”

I spoke to no one about this. I emotionally stood down. (I share my Aha about what and how I did that, here.)




Photo by eberhard grossgasteiger on

Guess what? The paperwork came in at the end of that very day.


Holy wow.

I can’t make this sh*t up. (And I’ve got a great imagination.)

How about you? Where do you live that line of directing your life between controlling and surrendering? How do you navigate the intersection of responsibility and faith? Me, I’m still learning. What might I learn from you?

Where might you, today, lean a little more into faithful surrender?

Today’s morning view.

2 Comments on “My spiritual head-butt”

  1. Pingback: Handing it over. For real. | gina drellack

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